POST WEDDING BLUES

After your marriage bliss, newlyweds (especially the brides) rarely acknowledge that they actually experience a period of letdown following the excitement of your recently concluded wedding. It was your most awaited moment and now, it’s over. This feeling is actually called post wedding blues. It was that you were used to feel exhausted (yet fulfilled) during your preparations and now, it was all over. You were somewhat lost and is asking for direction where to go next.

The feeling needs to be acknowledged and here are few things that will help you address it:

1.       Stop, look & listen. Your marriage is not just all about your wedding. It is but a part of the whole picture. It just made things official. Your task, was not just the wedding, but the entire marriage. Shift your attention on knowing your spouse more for example so as to make the marriage work best.

2.       You have company. Understand that you are not the only person on over 7 billion population of the world who experienced the same. Give yourself a tap on the back and say hey, I did a great job! Stand and be proud of your accomplishments on the wedding and how you’ll become a better spouse.

3.       You are very much valued. Your wedding (or your marriage), and on how they transpire does not define you as a person. Be it known that there is no such thing as a PERFECT wedding. Do not linger on things wherein you think that you could have done better. They happened because of only one reason: it is because that’s what it really is.

4.       Remember your accomplishments that put you on where you are now. Your savings on getting cheaper flower sets? Your wedding cake that was almost a disaster but you phoned your carpenter to fix the base? Your best friend who attended your wedding despite of her tight schedule? Your family who barely gather united but were all present on your big day? And a lot more. You did a good job but actually, your negative thoughts are over riding them. DON’T!

5.       Hold your crystal ball and look at the future. How will I design our living room? Whats the color of my bed sheet? What will be our first pet together? What will be the name of our baby? Do I want my eldest to be girl or boy? How much weight are we really going to gain in the next 5 years?

6.       Travel together. Try to visit a new place together. Doesn’t actually need to be out of country. A simple place where you will find solitude to seek peace and contentment on your newfound source of joy.

7.       It will pass. Be convinced that everything goes. Time will pass and you will surely overcome the blues. The earlier you make yourself believe that it’s normal, the earlier your blues will be blown to the air. Acceptance is the key. Acknowledge, accept, move on.

8.       Seek professional help. And if things really go south, consult a counselor. We do have our own unique ways of resolve and this is one of those.

Your blues are normal. But again, don’t ignore it. Remember, you are all set to start a new chapter and you don’t want to start on the wrong foot. Lift your marriage to our great omnipotent and all will be fine. 

WHAT'S NEXT AFTER YOUR WEDDING

Breath in, breath out. Your day is over and now, youre back to your new reality; your married life. Its pretty normal to like dream of the wedding still but, you have a lot on your plate to think of. Believe it or not, most of the time, newlyweds end up with debts after the wedding. Suppliers who gave you a credit term for your payment. But relax, this is not a reason to panic. Remember: you now have a better half to split the expenses with (grins)!

Being married requires two individuals to be mutually agreeing on almost everything. Agreeing means at least, being one in every decision making process. Being together on facing on the consequences of what may transpire. And more importantly, at the end of the day, you both have accepted each other’s differences.

Arguments, even on your first year is inevitable. Sometimes, it takes time for everything to sink in. Here are some tips for you to ponder upon:

1.       Think of your better half’s best trait. If you think you know your husband/wife already, you are so wrong. There are many things that you’ll know after your marriage. From snoring to smelly socks, things may get worse. Remind yourself on things where he/she is good at. Instead of thinking of the problem, make yourself busy on the solution. And gradually, apply those.

2.       Divide and conquer. Come with an agreement with your spouse regarding household chores. This is where you both need to compliment with each other. You should work as a team. Assign the tasks and determine who’s in charge so you both will have a sense of responsibility.

3.       Work on a short term & long term plan. Having a detailed plan is a critical ingredient of a successful marriage. Sit and find time to discuss the blueprint of your plan. You may still be on your honeymoon stage but as early as that, you should know where you both are heading in the future.

4.       Be patient. As I said, you will discover a lot of things. Things that are even worse on what you might have imagined. Be patient. Be ready to effect change. Be sensitive on what your spouse will say. He/she is already an extension of yourself so give each other time to make the necessary adjustment. Well of course, not too long though.

5.       Express yourself. This is your chance to get real. Do not hide your emotions and or feelings. Say it. This will make your partner know his/her limits. This will also help your spouse understand you better. Be open.

6.       Settle the disputes, on or before bedtime. As they say, don’t let a day pass. Find a way deal with misunderstandings promptly. Delaying things will only create a wider gap between you both. Having them is normal. Knowing how to deal with each of them matters. Remember; all BIG fights came from small ones who weren’t addressed properly.

7.       A happy wife is a happy marriage. Always make yourself available for her. Be on her side ALWAYS. Believe me, this works!

Every marriage will have a bump. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Understand the fact that your marriage is not an exemption. As early as your honeymoon stage, you might have those doubts. Hold on tight. Remember that God blessed your union and He will never allow anything that is irrelevant. Your love for each other shall overcome any trial. This is just the beginning. You’ve got a lifetime more to go.